Tips & Tricks

The Art of Maintaining Mystery and Allure in Early Dating Phases

Being mysterious vs. playing hard to get, how to exude confidence, common dating misconceptions, why you shouldn’t overshare but harness the power of nonverbal communication, don’t always be available because you might look desperate.

Many people assume that mysteriousness and allure are about withholding information and playing hard to get it. Women who do that often come across as cold and distant, and men don’t feel a connection to them. A woman’s feminine radiance and intrinsic value make her mysterious. He will wonder who she really is, what she does, what she believes, and what makes her so special. 

It’s easy to appear mysterious, especially to young men

A survey in 2024 showed that 44% of Gen Z men had no relationship experience at all when they were teenagers, which is double the rate for Gen X. This goes for 32% of millennial men. 

Appearing alluring is different from playing hard to get and putting on acts just so that you can have more power in your interactions with your date. Avoid seeking approval and being a people pleaser. 

Self-esteem is very appealing

Insecure attachment styles, such as avoidant and anxious attachment, are inversely associated with successful romantic relationships and overall well-being. 

Engaging in playful banter will show that you’re secure and in sufficiently good emotional and mental health to be truly present. It will also suggest that you value contacts and connections, which men are attracted to. 

Common dating misconceptions  

The internet is full of tips such as “making a guy want you is easy: just don’t respond to his text messages immediately,” etc. Any guy will tell you that there’s no bigger turnoff than a girl who will take forever to answer, especially if he can see she’s online. It doesn’t make her look mysterious. Instead, she looks like she’s playing games or lacks basic social skills. 

Be careful what you share in the early dating phases

If in doubt, leave information out. You might hint at an interesting experience or a hidden talent but not go into detail until your date asks. This will make him eager to learn more about you.

Have your own hobbies or interests, and don’t suggest he join you. This intrigues him and makes him curious about what you do when you’re not with him.

Be unpredictable

This doesn’t mean being inconsistent or unreliable. Surprise him with a spontaneous date or a thoughtful gift or gesture. It will help your relationship grow because he’ll feel special.

Harness the power of non-verbal communication

Just 7% of all communication is verbal. 55% of communication is attributed to body language, and 38% to tone of voice, highlighting the importance of nonverbal cues. Nonverbal communication is up to 93% more effective than text, emphasizing its impact in sending messages. 

Using your body language effectively can help build intrigue and a sense of mystery. Use subtle gestures, like a raised eyebrow or a half-smile, to communicate non-verbally.

Be conscious of your posture. Maintaining eye contact and standing up straight can communicate strength and confidence, which can be intriguing in early dating phases.

Don’t be available all the time 

Some people are turned off by someone who’s available all the time. It can make you seem desperate or needy, and it can also take away from the allure and intrigue in a relationship. Have your own life and make your interests and goals a priority. 


How do I make a good impression on a date?

Show up on time, dress your best but appropriately for the occasion, and be a good listener. Don’t underestimate the importance of first impressions. According to two psychologists from Princeton University, they’re notoriously hard to shake off and take a tenth of a second to form

What should I do to look alluring?

They say if you’ve got it, flaunt it. Don’t hesitate to show off your best asset unless you feel it’ll be distracting. Just know that if your date becomes overly focused on it, he’s the problem. 

Choose a haircut that flatters your facial shape, and wear clothes that flatter your unique body shape. When you know you look good, you usually exude confidence. Wear heels, but not stilettos. Speak calmly, maintain eye contact while speaking, and show your date respect – normal people reciprocate. 

Rachael is a 31 year old mum to 10 year old Luke and 5 year old Oscar. She lives in England and writes about family life, crafts, recipes, parenting wins(and fails), as well as travel, days out, fashion and living the frugal lifestyle.

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