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Over the past few months I have been struggling a lot more with my mental health than I’d care to admit – specifically, my anxiety. In fact, it’s almost certainly gone on for longer than a few months, but that’s the time frame in which I actually started to try and get the help that I needed.
I visited the Doctor and she was the nicest person in the world. I explained that, once again, the anxiety had become so bad that I felt like it was ruining my life. I talked about all the recent scenarios that I’d experienced and how they had affected me – from panic attacks in soft play to sweating and hyperventilating in traffic jams. She was so lovely and she talked to me about my medical history and my current situation and started me on the same antidepressants that I was on previously.
I went back to the doctor and it didn’t quite go as well as I’d hoped.
Then after a month I went back and saw the doctor again. My mistake was not seeing the same lady I had seen the first time. This doctor was less helpful. I know she’s just doing her job but after 7 or 8 years of anxiety, I have gone through the cycle of downloading mindfulness apps, exercising and practising yoga. I felt like I was being completely invalidated. I understand that the NHS don’t want to push pills on people, but she refused to up my dose which I am quite upset about, especially as the more ‘serious’ topics of mental health were discussed and she was unfazed by my admissions of intrusive thoughts.
I know that learning how to treat the side effects of anxiety and depression is an amazing, life changing thing. I know that the apps are helpful, the endorphin rush of exercise is a great mood boost and that being in a loving environment with support people is a must. I have all of that – I DO all of that (I told her this too!). But not treating the cause doesn’t help. I hate feeling like I am being taken for granted and that my feelings aren’t real enough.
So now I’m left wondering whether I do as my Dr today told me and carry on taking the same dose for another 2 months and “hopefully I’ll be better by then”, or whether I should go back to the GP surgery and see the doctor I originally saw. She was much more approachable and kind. The GP I saw today just basically told me yoga would cure me.
The only problem is – hello anxiety!
I don’t want to cause a fuss, I don’t want to waste anyone’s time, I don’t want to look like I’m just after drugs either. I just want someone to actually listen to me and give me the support I need. I feel like over the years I have spoken to so many professionals, from GPs to health visitors and, although they mostly seem sympathetic, very few people will actually help me.
Whatever happens next, it’s certainly been a hard 2019 and I am really hoping that when the new year finally rolls around, things will start to get better. It’s been a rubbish few months, as I talked about in my recent October Running and Fitness Update, everything has started to get a bit too much and I could do with the universe giving me a break.
There’s always someone worse off than you.
I know other people have it far worse than me and every day I try and see the positives. I always try to remember I have 2 healthy kids, a fiance who loves me, supportive friends and family, a roof above my head, a blog that helps me pay the bills and so many more things that I am eternally grateful for. Sometimes though, we all need someone to help us, and sometimes the people who are meant to help, kind of make you feel a little bit worse off.
There is no quick fix.
Mental health is a roller coaster though – there’s no quick fix and no one thing will set you straight. I am trying to remember that and I am trying to work through everyone one day at a time. I think sometimes there’s nothing more therapeutic than a good old fashioned brain dump!
Other posts you might like:
- Finding Motivation To Get Fit
- Feel Stress Free and Thrive
- 3 Ways You Can Help An Overwhelmed Mum
- One For Sorrow – Children’s Book About Mental Health
- Learn To Be Confident