Holiday Time (& Anxiety)

This time next week, I will be exhausted, but checking into my hotel room in Paris!

I’m excited to go to Paris, see the sights and explore Disney Land again, however, I am not looking forward to that 2am start and the drive to St Pancreas. That’s the thing about getting good deals on travel isn’t it? Your trains or planes are always at ridiculous o’clock in the morning! I’m sure it will all be worth it…I’m not sure how my friend is going to cope with my sleep deprived grumpy state of mind though.

We’re going to be gone for 7 days.

That’s the longest amount of time I have ever been away from Luke. It sounds stupid, but I’m quite sad about leaving him and being in a different country. It feels like, if something were to happen to him, I’d have no way of getting back to him fast enough.

It will also be the longest amount of time that Luke’s dad has ever had Luke in his care. He’s going to have to do all the nursery runs, organise things over the week, deal with that tantrums and all the nitty gritty bits of parenthood that he doesn’t necessarily experience due to the amount of time he spends with Luke on his own.

It’s all a bit of a new experience for every one involved, especially Luke. I imagine he’ll have a whale of a time, but it must be a bit confusing. Maybe I’m over thinking everything – I hope he misses me at least!

So I am a little anxious about leaving Luke, which I think is probably a normal thing for a first timer. But I’m also worried about a whole host of other things.

Over the past few weeks my anxiety has kicked in big time, to the point that I’ve even said a few times that I don’t really want to go any more. I’ve sort of spoken to my friend about how I’ve been feeling and she’s been very sweet and planned our week and our travel as well as she possibly can. She’s got our travel routes written down, our plans for the days, how much things cost etc. It’s all so nice of her to try and make everything as easy for me as she possibly can. I’ve also been reading up on how to make the most of Disneyland and make sure we cover everything we need! I found a really helpful blog post – How To Tackle Disneyland Paris Like A Pro – which has some really useful tips. Reading this and knowing that I’m prepared has really helped me.

It also makes me feel like the biggest burden ever. It’s not normal to not want to go on holiday. I should want to go. Who the hell plans a holiday and then, two weeks prior, has a full on freak out – tears n’ all – about how “awful” it all sounds?

Thankfully, I’ve got over it a little bit. Yesterday I wrote down a big list of everything I need to take with me in the hopes that being as organised as I possibly can be will make me feel less anxious. At the weekend, I will go and sort out my euros. I have no idea how much money I can even afford to take at the moment as February is turning out to be such a manic month financially. I also need to some how get coins for the metro – any ideas on how to work that one out? I’ve no idea how much the metro costs!

The whole thing will be a bit of an experience for me. I know that once I am there, everything will be fine. That’s the way my anxiety usually works. At the moment, I’m trying to make the most of the few days I have left with Luke and my partner and trying not to think about it until I have to. I find that dwelling on things leads to over thinking and that leads to terrible anxiety attacks. I’d rather feel chipper and sort of “block out” that part of my brain for as long as possible.

Next Tuesday will be my last day and I’ll probably be a grumpy mess because I’m an idiot! But, part of my New Years 2017 Goals was to say “yes” to opportunities and be more social and outgoing, so here we go. Wish me luck…